The day we all knew would come

Anyone with a dead beat ex, or perhaps an alcoholic dead beat ex like mine, always feared that day when they would show up on the door step and automagically expect to be a welcome part of the kids lives. Never mind that they are a stranger to them now. Never mind they have missed out on most of their lives. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the Mom being part of the kids lives. What gets me is the audacity, the assumption that she makes, that she can just pick up the kids and drive off somewhere. Understand, she hasn't been left alone with the kids since Nov 2002, couldn't help herself from drinking all but once of the hand full of times she has seen them in the last 6.5 years. That one time she had the shakes from withdrawls. Not a pretty picture.

So we get a call from her recently and her grand plans this summer, since I suggested she come to the kids instead of me coming to her...much cheaper mind you...She's going to come here to Texas (From Florida), pick up the kids, and drive to Arizona with new husband Gary to stay with Gary's parents. You can imagine my 14 year old daughters excitement at the prospect of hanging out with Gary's parents for a week or two. Hey it could be a blast...who knows? I did let her talk to my daughter on the phone and although at first I chuckled to myself at her obvious lack of interest, then I felt a little guilty for putting her through yet another repeated conversation about what she likes, what's her favorite colors.....oh God the agony of having the same conversation over and over. It's just so sad. It's not fair to my little girl. I've admonished the ex too many times to count about getting cleaned up, being responsible, etc etc... in one ear and out the other I'm afraid.

I'm considerably uncomfortable at the thought of not only one alcoholic but most likely two alcoholics driving my kids around. Yeah, I'm sure you feel me on this one. I didn't outright say no when she brought it up, for one, I don't think it will happen anyway. For now, I'm patiently waiting for more developments. 

Don't we all start fires at age 12?

If you don't know my schedule, it's hectic. I have about 30 minutes on Monday through Thursday between getting home from work, after picking up the kids, and heading to class.

As fate and good fortune would have it, this whole dramatic mess actually managed to occur almost picture perfectly in my little box of free time. My son and his friend managed to start a fire in the field behind the house, yes the one that could potentially burn every house on the street and then some. After frantically trying to put it out with their feet, they run to friends house for a bucket of water and a mop, yes a mop. When that doesn't work they head to me, before it's too late. I just happen to be standing near a door downstairs, practicing for a speech I had to give in about...30 minutes :)  I heard them outside the door and, call it parental instincts, something didn't sound right. I opened the door and asked "What's going on?"

"Theres a fire in the field!" My son says

Without hesitating, I bolted for the carport where I could see the field. There's smoke and flames about 20 yards from the house. I immediately dialed 911 and as I put the phone to my ear - clarity struck me. I turned my head and glared at both of them... "and what did you two have to do with this?"

Well in so many words they said they started it. 

In the end, the fire was minor but thankfully the boys came to me as soon as they did. The field is densely packed with trees, brush and tall grass. I could have been much worse.

I had the fire marshal over to talk to both of them. I was proud of my boy for a moment as he quickly retold the event which seemed to point mostly to his friend, who didn't have a word to say in his defense. He was still part of it though, and went along with it. The other boy's mother and I agreed to let fire marshal drive them down to Juvienille hall for a little chat. They ended up writting a two page essay for him.

It was a good learning experience for both of them.

Getting back on track

I just got back from Seattle yesterday. It was a great trip and it did exactly what I wanted it to do - wake me up a little bit. Remind me that there's life out there.

I spent all but my last night there downtown, mingling, chatting, shopping, drinking, laughing. 

On my last night there, I slept, only getting up to eat at Costa's. Super greek restaurant. Noah called while I was walking there and we talked for a little bit. Then I talked to Nikita and the first thing she mentions is....if we are going to move...lets make it overseas. I had to laugh.

Getting home I felt some renewed energy to not only start looking for some more fulfilling work but working with the kids more too. We talked about making our family constitution as well as keeping up with chores and responsibilities. 

Coincidentally, there were a couple job postings in the Midland paper this morning that looked interesting. It would probably be a big pay cut to work for the Midland paper but quality of life might be considerably better as well. In any case, I need to finish my work on the house we are in and get it on the market. I don't expect to make much from it. It was never a good choice for reselling in the first place. The next place I get I'll be looking for a multi family place as an investment. 

On the trip home I happened to pickup Dwell magazine. Very interesting places and lots of talk about sustainable living and reducing your carbon footprint. We are going to try incorporating more of that paradigm here at home - more on that later. 

So what's our plan for today? Work and fun like always. 

- get some chores done this morning and start laundry

- work on the sunroom wall, get some paint 

- create our first draft of the Family Constitution

- work on some designs for landscaping the back yard

- get some stuff on eBay

- work on a resume

Lego Kingdom

Although we all put in a little help in the beginning, Noah was really the hardest worker on this project. Long after the three of us had worked together on the beginning frame, Noah up and finished it one weekend. 

If you've never seen this lego kit, it is over 3000 pieces. Noah has really shined when it comes to putting together these complex projects that are really supposed to be over his head at 11. 

We're talking about getting the king of Lego kits now, the 5000 piece Millennium Falcon. At $500 I think we are going to make a little savings project to buy it. I'm tempted to head another direction, one where he can build and be more creative without spending so much money.

Gundam

I picked up some more complex Gundam models for Noah while I was in Dallas for training, he finished them this weekend. The first Gundam kits he got were really small 30min projects and he did all of them in one day. These were much more complex and he seems to have little trouble putting them together.

Surprise in the forest

There's a small forest out behind our house. It's odd for the area since we are in West Texas. It's actually a flood area where the city's drain waters collect. There are a handful of enormous cottonwood trees and reeds that must be 12 ft tall.

While Nikita and Noah were both out there, they happened across a mother racoon and it's babies. Not really realizing the danger he might face with a cornered wild animal with babies, Noah hopped up with his camera, er actually it was his grandmothers nice camera, which you'll find in the end - is what started this story.

The camera was missing the next morning and he got in a bit of trouble over it until we found the pictures. After that we made a movie out of them and burned it on DVD for the family to watch.

Work Ethic

I probably have some lessons to learn myself in this department. The last year has been difficult and I let myself slide into a rut. Lots of wasted time.

I broke out last night and collected Noah along with all of the tools we would need and headed to the rent house to put a hole in the wall for the dryer. Tough job. Noah was helpful and eager to do some drilling but I was reluctant to let him fearing at first that he would make a mess of the wall. Later while drilling holes in brick, I only let him drill a small amount. He wasn't making much progress. It's quite difficult to drill through a brick after all. I did most of the drilling and after some time, Noah came back out to check on me. He suggested that I take a break and let him do some drilling. I was proud of him at that moment. I knew he wanted to help. I let him have a seat and gave him the drill. After a moment, he suggested I go get the drinks out of the car which I did.

I remember for a moment we were standing there in the kitchen and he was smiling, he's a good kid I thought. He's going to be a man soon. I'm proud of him.

We'll have to revisit the rent house today and finish the job.

Edit: We went back to finish it Friday, a job well done.